I don’t think many women openly admit to disliking their engagement ring. The love of your life just asked you to spend the rest of your lives together and the elation from that question stuns you temporarily that it’s not until the buzz wears off that you pay attention to the ring he proposed with. At this point, he thinks he’s just made you the happiest woman in the world, but you’re slightly disappointed by the fact that the ring just isn’t… you. What do you do now?

Don’t Panic

Your mind probably just went to a dark place where you’re starting to second guess your answer to his question. Don’t go there… Picking out a ring that doesn’t resemble your style doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know you. Relation expert, Jane Greer, tells Women’s Health magazine:

“Taste is crazy individual… so even if your guy knows yours, it’s unrealistic to expect him to be able to pick out the perfect ring—and his inability to do so is most certainly not a bad omen for your future marriage.”

Take a Beat

Don’t blurt out that you don’t like it. First of all, it might be a family heirloom that he just put on your finger. Second of all, evaluate exactly what it is that you don’t like about the ring. Is it something that can be simply tweaked? If it had a new stone, would you like it more? If the band was a different precious metal, would you like it better? If you can specify what you don’t like about the ring, it’ll be easier for your significant other to deal with rather than having to deal with the fact that you don’t like anything about it.

Tell Your Fiancé… Tactfully

Again, you don’t want to say something that hurts his feelings. Asking someone to spend the rest of their life with them is not something that comes out naturally. I’m sure there was a lot of prepping that went behind that question that you don’t even know about. Don’t make him feel bad about his choice, but let him know that it’s not your style. Etiquette expert, Emily Post, says:

“You need to speak to your fiancé about your distaste for the ring style. Tactfully explaining that you can’t see yourself wearing this style of ring might eliminate his feeling bad if he chose the ring himself,” Post advises. “Above all, be sensitive to your fiance’s feelings, as he may have chosen the ring with the utmost care and thoughtfulness, and may react to your wanting to change the ring with mixed emotions.”

Again, the ring might turn out to be a family heirloom, so outright saying that you don’t like it may not be taken well. If this is the case, you can place your distaste for the ring towards its history. Tactfully tell your fiancé that you would prefer to have a ring that symbolizes your love story, not someone elses.

Remember What it Represents

You didn’t say yes to an inanimate object. You said yes to the love of your life. Don’t lose sight of that. If you don’t have the heart to tell him that you don’t like the ring, learn to love it. You can always upgrade to the one you want at a later date. However, if you were able to tell him that you don’t like it, allow him to be a part of the selection process so that he can understand what you would have preferred.

Don’t Feel Guilty

Finally, don’t feel bad about not loving the ring. This doesn’t make you superficial or ungrateful. There’s a very good chance that he spent a lot of money getting you that ring, and it wouldn’t be a very good investment if you aren’t happy with it. Purchasing an engagement ring is not cheap, so don’t waste his money by pretending you love it. Sweetly tell him you don’t love it and work together to find a ring that will be worth the investment.

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